Tuesday, April 07, 2015

4 Pet Peeves All Congressional Staffers Share

At a recent Women in Government Relations’ event, current and just-escaped Congressional staffers had a very cathartic experience. They had the opportunity to share with us a few pet peeves. The good news is that there’s nothing earth-shatteringly new here. The bad news is that there’s nothing earth-shatteringly new here. It seems that many of us are making the same mistakes over and over again. I’m doing my civic duty by sharing some of the highlights (or lowlights) of the conversation.

Don’t tell staff you pay their salaries. Whenever someone told me this I would hand them a dime (the per capita amount of my salary for the number of constituents in the district) and say “Great. Now we’re even.” You personally do not pay each staff person’s salary. You pay a portion of their salary. That salary is also paid for by people who believe the exact opposite of what you do. The staff work 50 to 60 (to 80) hours per week trying to reconcile those two viewpoints.  Believe me. You’re getting a lot for your money.

Talk to the right person – and that means the person who handles your issues. If you want to talk about saving balloon animals, don’t bypass the balloon animal LA. Too many people think that talking to the Chief of Staff or Legislative Director is somehow better than talking to the person who actually deals with the issue on a day-to-day basis. This is not true. Don’t do it.

Don’t threaten. Hopefully, it’s obvious that threatening bodily harm is a big no-no on Capitol Hill. Then the Capitol police get involved, and no one wants that. But threatening other kinds of retaliation – I won’t vote for you, I won’t contribute to your campaign, I’ll tell all my friends I hate you – doesn’t work either. Remember that the offices are hearing the exact same thing from people on the other side of the issue. They prefer to work with people who want to find an area of agreement, as opposed to those who say “it’s my way or the highway.”

Know something about who you’re talking to:  You don’t have to be as obsessed as I am about looking up bills they've introduced or reading their websites. But knowing things like what party they’re a member of, where they are on the political spectrum and even whether they’ve already cosponsored the bill you’re begging them to cosponsor will really help move the conversation along.*

There were many, many more pet peeves, but this is good for starters. It basically boils down to ‘put yourself in their shoes.’ When you do that, you’re meetings will be more productive and enjoyable for all.

* And if you’re really interested in that last part, particularly as it relates to sending advocates up to Capitol Hill, you HAVE to check out our AdvocacyDay app. You can also avoid another of their pet peeves, ‘having multiple people ask for the same meeting,’ if you work with us to schedule your event.

- Written by:  Stephanie Vance, Advocacy Guru

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Breaking Congressional Update: National Pickle Week

For those interested in what’s happening in Congress, I thought you’d be interested in this statement from the Congressional Record of April 1st, 2015 regarding a very important national issue.

Mr. Speaker, I rise today to inform the members of this august body that my dear friend, the esteemed gentleman from the Great State of California, whose love of country I admire and respect, is a sanctimonious jerk. The legislation he brings to us today does nothing less than attack the very core of our democracy.

I speak, of course, of his proposal to establish a National Pickle Week. If passed, this bill would allow the purveyors of pickle propaganda to brainwash millions of Americans into embracing a pro-brine lifestyle.

Let me be clear. No one enjoys pickles more than myself. I eat those of the bread and butter variety on hamburgers. I eat sweet relish, replete with onions and mustard, on that great American treat, the hot dog. I even drink the juice, which I understand goes well with whisky.

But I ask you, my dear colleagues, what of the other pickled vegetables? String beans, okra and peppers have done as much, if not more, to preserve the freedom we as citizens of this great nation enjoy. And indeed, where is our effort to honor other garnishes? Capers? Cocktail Onions? Almond-stuffed olives? In singling out pickles for such recognition, we send the message that we will cave in to what I can only describe as the ISIS of the pickled vegetable world.

I would never suggest that my cherished companion, whose integrity I admire, would introduce this legislation at the bidding of the pickle lobby. The fact that he accepted over $100,000 in campaign contributions from the Acme Pickle Corporation has no bearing on this discussion. Nevertheless, we, as the preservers of democracy, must stand up to this powerful special interest. We, and only we, stand between freedom and pickle domination.

Now before you get yourself all in a huff about the stupid goings-on in Congress, remember that today is APRIL FOOLS DAY! The citizens of this great nation are safe from the horrors of National Pickle Week. Now let the “This is too true to be satire” comments begin.

- Written by Advocacy Guru, Stephanie Vance